Saturday, February 8, 2014

February (2014) Photo Link


February (2014) Nature and Moose Lodge Photography at Honey Mama Runs Wild, be sure to "like" the page to receive all the photos and updates!

Honey Mama Runs Wild: February (2014) 
email: honeymamarunswild@gmail.com

Fun with pencil, sharpie and oil pastels - H.M. Wild


Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Five Classic Albums for a Winter Night - Guest Blog Post


January is an inherently difficult month for pretty much everyone   I know.  Post-holiday spending diets, actual diets and weight loss ambitions, exercise, the darkness of winter and the depth and cold of an early January morning.  Things can feel tense, the days of winter short and the nights so very long, it weighs you down into hibernation mode where even basic things can feel a bit impossible at times.  

     Even nature feels this way in January.  The depth of the cold breaks fragile tree limbs when the icy rush of wind sweeps off the hillsides shaking loose the dead, the weak, mother nature and her natural pruning process take on new meaning in January.  

      If you can survive January out here and live to see another summer, then you are indeed a survivor of the elements. 

     Music gets me through my days and the long cold dark nights.  A while ago I wrote a post about my own musical influences from my parents, Thank You for the Music, and at the time I asked a musician friend of mine to write a post on the top albums he would reccomend to really listen to from start to finish. Enjoy! 


Five Classic Albums for a Winter Night    By John Rose, Musician, Singer, Songwriter - Atlanta, GA      
     Winter has been proven to be a time for inner-investigation, introspective, for a lack of a better word. We have gone through a lot in the last year. We have been thrust into new aspects of our lives, be it a new job, lifestyle, class, social circles, or maybe even moved to a new state. Ultimately, we feel alone during the colder, dark months of the year. I find myself looking back on memories when I was really young. I remember places, sounds, and faces. Some people remain. Others have died or ran away. I look back on the year and see how far I’ve come, no matter the degree. I look for my failures and ponder how I can improve myself as a human and how I’ll contribute more frequently and more humanitarianly to myself, and to those around me. A lesson I’ve learned is that I impact people’s lives, a lot of them. Chances are you do too. We can make the conscious decision on that impact. How we are remembered. 
All of this doesn’t seem to fit in with this blog about great music, but bear with me. Music, like math and science, is a language. No matter what language you speak, or what language the song is sung in, it tap dances on some internal button within you, conjuring emotions, memories and thoughts. As a musician for the past three decades, I’ve written my fair share of musical compositions, and when I was younger, even now, I have people stop and tell me what that meant to them, how my music made some mental or life change in their world. Even though I had written that song, I couldn’t connect with what they told me. I’d usually respond with, that’s great, or say something about that’s how music is. Later in life, I started to realize that I looked to music for answers. That’s what I’ve always done, and just now had I realized it. When writing music, you sort of create a barrier between you and the world. Music is a safe guard. You can say anything you want. Those emotions you have that you’re scared to show in person can be written on paper, accompanied by musicians to express these deep hidden emotions and thoughts. You give that to the world. People need that in their lives because we are all looking for answers. We are all looking to someone or something to tell us they understand how we feel and we aren’t alone. As a writer, I want to tell people that I’m on their side, and on the other side of the coin, I’m telling the world over one of my darkest secrets.
Here is a list of albums that speak to me, late at night when I need to look at myself through someone’s music. 
1. Carol King: Tapestry
Carol King was and still is one of our greatest songwriters. In her teens she was hired as a songwriter for a huge record label, writing for the likes of Aretha Franklin and many others. When she finally broke as an artist, it was soon realized not only by her peers, but by the world, how much she was in touch with the human condition and emotion. I dare say you find a better album to connect with. Without Tapestry in your record collection, you don’t have a record collection.
Songs to listen for:
So Far Away
It’s Too Late
Home Again
Way over Yonder
2. Derek and the Dominoes – Layla
This is Clapton at his finest. He was obviously going through something in his life; In love with Patty Boyd (then, wife of George Harrison who in turn was Clapton’s best friend), coming off the high of John Mayall’s Blues Breakers, Cream had just broken up, and he had recently just lost some great friends to drugs, people like Hendrix. This complicated set list exposes all of these emotions.
Songs to listen for:
I Looked Away
Bell Bottom Blues
Nobody Knows You When You’re Down and Out
Keep On Growing
Anyday
Tell the Truth
Little Wing
Layla

3. Allman Brothers - Beginnings
This album is a combo of the Brother’s first two albums. It’s angry, it’s sad, it’s loud, it’s soft, it’s ultimately heart wrenching, drug induced, and beautiful. You find yourself nodding with every point that Gregg Allman sings. He could have written all of these songs after you told him your life story. He exposes every one of your weaknesses, joys, strengths, and backs it up with how you’re going to handle it. The lyrics on this album are enforced by the amazing talent that is the Allman Brothers. 
Songs to listen for:
It’s Not My Cross to Bear
Trouble No More
Every Hungry Woman
Whipping Post
Don’t Keep Me Wondering
Please Call Home
Black Hearted Woman
Midnight Rider
4. Jimi Hendrix – Electric Ladyland
If Jimi Hendrix was a painter, this would be his Mona Lisa. Beyond lyrically intriguing, the music is what moves you. Listen to every note and how it correlates to the backing instruments. How the music complements the words. All Along the Watchtower is dangerous, storming, dark, foreboding, and intimidating. Voodoo Child (slight return) is a night you woke up from in a haze. Every song casts strong emotions and mental states will surely get the brain and emotions synced. 
Songs to listen for:
Long Hot Summer Nights
Come On Part I
House Burning Down
All Along the Watchtower 
Voodoo Child (Slight Return)
Bonus song: Rainy Day, Dream Away & Still Raining, Still Dreaming
5. Cat Stevens – Tea for the Tillerman
For those seeking inner questions, self-wondering, and a deeper perspective on life, this is the album. Cat Stevens explores a variety of emotions, thoughts, and perspectives that resound even in today’s busy world. This album is so personal to everyone that hears it, that I’ll let you decide what it means to you.
Songs to listen for:
Where Do The Children Play
Hard Headed Woman
Miles from Nowhere
But I Might Die Tonight
On The Road to Find out
Father and Son
Tea for The Tillerman
Tip: Basically the whole album.

John Michael Rose, Atlanta, GA 
John Michael Rose was literally born with music in his ears. Brought up in a house of musicians, the record player was always spinning Hendrix, Clapton, Mark Knopfler, Carol King, Simon and Garfunkle, and Cat Stevens.  It didn't take long before John started honing is craft as an amazing guitar player, composer, and song writer. 
Pulling from all of his childhood influences he created his own sound of dominating guitar with intertwining musical compositions and emotional lyrics of life, love, and thoughts. His music, steeped in Blues and Americana, expresses a sense of intensity and emotion both lyrically and musically. 
From Paris, France to Paris, Texas John has traveled extensively learning from some of the best like James Cotton, Derek Trucks, Warren Haynes, Pinetop Perkins, and Buddy Miles.     Today, John plays in and around the Southeast with his band while still writing and recording. 
"He's the real deal!" - James Cotton 
"It's time for a (music) revival, and John Michael Rose is here to lead that." - Creative Loafing 
"John Michael Rose is one of the greatest guitarists and performers of our time!" - Oasis 
"When you listen and watch John Michael Rose perform, it's like watching someone break out of jail."  - ABS Magazine
Email: Wjmr81@gmail.com  

All nature photos taken by H.M. Wild at The Moose Lodge; Guest Blog Post Writer John Michael Rose provided his own photos for the purposes of this post.


Saturday, January 25, 2014

To the Moon and Back: Snapshots of an Adoption



    Bubbly pink cheeks, a perfect round face and soft light brown skin.  The first time I saw her she was sitting upright on a pink baby blanket with satin trim, wobbly at the core and clearly amused at seeing the world from this new vantage point, she was about six months old. 

Then she vanished.  

A week or so later I saw her standing on a sandy coastline among the beach rye grass with the wind blowing through her soft brown hair, light reflecting like a prism in her rich chocolate brown eyes.  Her skin radiating an inner glow as she stared out at the sea. She was tall, lean and flexible, able to bend and shift with the change in weather, much like the beach grass that surrounded her.  

Then she was gone again.

   Two months later my husband and I drove through a snowstorm to meet a 26 month old little girl.  We walked into the daycare center and were escorted to a classroom.  Two short tables and a dozen or so tiny chairs and endless noise.   I scanned the room searching, seeking, until I found her.  She was sitting in a wooden box, hiding from her world, peering out cautiously.  Her knees were tucked up to her chest, arms wrapped tightly around her tiny legs.  She looked so alone, isolated -- lost; nothing like the happy, strong, confident and carefree child I had seen before, but I knew her in my heart. 


There she was.  A child in waiting. Found.

Parke and I approached her gently, dropping to our hands and knees well before we reached her, coming down to her level to greet her from a safe distance.  We sat there on the floor as her peers swarmed around us, tackling us, playing games and singing songs.  She let out an occasional smile at the merriment, but as an observer, not as a participant. We kept our visit short because we didn’t want to overwhelm her.  

The truth was from the moment I saw her sitting there, shy and withdrawn, I knew her, loved her, and I believed in her.  

There she was, our daughter.  Waiting.  

A couple weeks ago Maya said “When I was just a baby in foster care I dreamed about you and daddy and George, then you found me and now I’m home and we’re a family.”.  Maya is tapped into the spiritual realm in a way only old souls can be.  Her knowledge is infinite, her direction clear. I knew all of this before we met in person, because the only way I can explain how she entered our lives is through sheer spiritual force. 

She found me in my dreams. 

Six months after her adoption was finalized we received a letter in the mail from her maternal grandmother.  I unfolded  the letter and a photograph fell out. The moment I saw the picture I got chills and tears spontaneously released from my eyes.  It was the first Maya of my dreams, the bubbly cheeked, happy, smiling baby that called out to me and told me it was time for her to come home.
Our daughter.  Home.  Forever. 

The second dream happened the night of January 7, 2010. It had been a difficult and emotional day.  The fourth anniversary of my Grandma June’s passing.  My Grandma and I shared a special relationship and we relied on one another for strength and support.  When she died my world felt empty. I felt lost.  Before she died I believed I would never have children. I even contemplated having my tubes tied at 22.  Then Grandma left me and I realized the power of family, the importance of loving another person, creating a family, sharing life.  Eight months later I met Parke.  I'd like to think Grandma June had a hand in finding a fellow cheese head from Wisconsin for me to marry and George and Maya for us to love.  
I woke up on January 8 with the strong and unwavering feeling that I needed to contact someone somewhere about adoption.  The proverbial lightbulb was illuminated and our world forever changed.  Friends of ours had recently “fost-adopted” their daughter and I had a contact through the local tribal council.  After discussing it with Parke before he left for work that morning, a conversation squeezed in between a morning breastfeeding for George, followed by a diaper change, coffee, and a rushed shower.  As soon as he left for work I called and left a message to inquire about the fost-adopt process.  A few hours later my call was returned and Maya’s dream was put into motion.  

After a couple false starts we decided to take a break from the process.  It was a crazy idea anyhow, us, fost-adopting a child.  George was just under one year old at the time.  He could crawl, but could not walk. He could make sounds, but could not talk.  He was an infant who required a lot of care, attention and energy.  At the time I was dealing with postpartum depression, managing it quite well, but it weighed on me and some days felt like a struggle to simply get dressed, shower, to eat.  Caring for George was my singular focus and pursuing this “idea” of adopting wasn’t rational and it didn’t make sense, but my in my heart I knew I had to dig deep and find the strength because the truth is she needed me as much as I needed her.  

The day we brought her home we were prepared for a difficult night filled with fears and tears.  As soon as we brought her clothes and toys in the house the party started and she lit up like a firecracker. It was “magical”, as I later told our social worker.  


Meant to be.  


Adopting out of “birth order” is generally not advised, but in our situation it worked to Maya’s advantage.  Developmentally she was just a little farther along than George.  By the time she came home we were her sixth transition.  So for the first week I treated her just like George, rocking her and feeding her milk (from a bottle), and easing into the concept of parenting two kids, age two and under.  Then we came down with a violent stomach bug, one of the worst I have ever had. I was weak with exhaustion and I was fairly confident that I may never be able to eat anything other than broth and mint tea.  I needed help.  Diaper wipes.  A burp cloth.  A trash can.  A distraction.  Maya was brought into the fold of our family and given responsibilities.  She had a role in our family, a place, meaning.  
Maya teaching George to walk.
That summer she taught George how to walk.  They developed their own language, like twins often do at that age.  George learned to talk and was easily frustrated when I didn’t understand what he was saying.  Maya always knew exactly what he needed.  A few months after she came home she began singing him to sleep, after she thought we were out of ear shot the singing would begin.  Maya teaching George to walk and talk translated into Maya’s ability to communicate with us openly because she was the only one who could understand George and what he needed and I think it provided much needed healing. It gave her a distraction from the isolated world she had been living in.  As much as I believe that she was meant to be in my life, just a few minutes observing her and George together makes me realize it has nothing to do with us, not really, instead it has everything to do with the bond she and George share.   Sometimes Maya will tell George "when I was a baby I was in foster care." and he gets really upset and usually replies with something along the lines of "No you just weren't MAYA, you've always been with me.".  In a sense I think she has always been with George, in his heart.  
Maya set up her rocking chair next to mine and would feed her baby
dolls "Mama Milk" (through her belly button) while I fed George.

      We worked with a therapist who approached care using play and incorporated me and George with Maya in her sessions.  The subject of adopting out of birth order came up and our therapist observed that in Maya’s situation being brought into our home with an infant actually helped her stabilize and develop trust in us, which easily translated into accepting and embracing us as her family.  When George cried we soothed him. When he was hungry we fed him.  When his diaper was dirty we changed him. When he was tired we rocked him to sleep.  His needs were fulfilled and Maya felt safe, secure - home.  

Today our smiling happy daughter turns six years old.  She has been home for almost four years, her 4th homecoming anniversary is on April 3rd.  Her adoption anniversary is in three days; it is our 3rd anniversary of becoming a forever family.  
Adoption Day, January 28, 2011
     Every day, in bits and pieces, she becomes that vision I had of her, the second meeting in our dreams.  The strong, confident, bold little girl, looking out at the sea.  Standing on the beach, wind blowing through her soft brown hair.  
     We chose adoption because we needed a daughter and Maya needed a family.  It's that simple.  The process, generally speaking, was easy, the route we chose involved getting to know Maya's birth parents and maternal Grandma.  This provided us with an opportunity to know and understand where Maya came from and to know her birth story.  There is power in story.  Every child deserves a story; a story with a happy ending.  Maya is our happy ending and we are hers.  Before she came into our lives we were incomplete, she completed our family and made us whole.  We needed her as much as she needed us.   


Strong. 

Confident. 

Brave. 

Bold. 

Home.  



Happy 6th Birthday Maya.  
We love you to the moon and back.  
XOXO

- Honey Mama 


Maya's First Night Home, popping out of the box her clothes and toys were packed in.  Happy. Home.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Not Even the Trees


Standing in waist deep fresh powder trudging through the great white depths with my buried snowshoes, which may seem like they’re not quite doing the job, but without their large foot print and metal teeth I would never be able to scale the sugar snow covered hill that leads up toward heaven, up to my spot.  I grip my poles tightly as I work my way up the steep hillside in hot pursuit of the perfect shot of my sitting spot.  Taking a moment to pause I look up at the blue sky, deepening in color as the sun dips down below the cloud covered Mt. Sandford and Mt. Drum.  The natural beauty is increasing by the second as the slow descent of the sun strokes the landscape reaching new depths of color and experience as night slowly begins to take over the day.  
Photo by: Parke Ruesch
Unseasonably warm temperatures have found us outside as much as possible, it was 34 F at 7 PM when we finally dragged ourselves inside from our day of work and play. Earlier in the day the four of us and our fur-legged children Honey and Petzl joined us as we trudged our way through the deep snow working our way along the river’s edge as we cut back wayward branches and attempted to resurrect the lost trail to reach new destinations in this microcosm of experience that is The Moose Lodge.  

Photo by: H.M. Wild
Our trail clearing adventure took 90 minutes and resulted in 3/4 of a mile of distance, but a “5” on a 1-5 scale of “rate of perceived exertion” or RPE, for short.  Then we came back to The Lodge for a short lunch break, which the kids extended into a Milo and Otis movie marathon.  We ventured outside while they cozied up on the couch together for afternoon quiet time.  While they snuggled and rested me and Parke worked over the woodpile that we’ve been building up from our firewood cutting of late December.  I run short loops between the log pile to the splitter, where I hand over the chunk of wood and Parke works it over until it is cut into perfect firewood chunks.  Depending on the size of the round we can get 2-8 pieces from one piece.  I stockpile some logs close to the splitter for Parke to work through, then I move over to the split wood pile and make quick short trips with my arms loaded with sentimentally scented split spruce.  

“Making firewood” is the most satisfying activity I can possibly do, other than tri-sport training, the rate of enjoyment and fulfillment I get from working through the woods, limbing trees with my Honey Mama sized ax, sledding chunks of wood out through the dense forest, loading the snowmachine trailer full of wood.  Back at the wood shed we stack the rounds and depending on the moisture content of the wood (we are cutting dead trees) we fire up the splitter and get to work.  I queue up my iPod and hustle wood, singing out loud the caterwauling drowned out by the sound of the splitter chugging along, snapping the wood into pieces through strategic force.  

Yesterday while stacking split pieces a song came on my iPod:  

“I see you in my dreams
And I wonder if you're looking down at me
And smiling right now
I wanna know if it's true

When he looks at me
Won't you tell me
Does he realize he came down here
And he took you too soon” 

- Hootie and the Blowfish; Not Even the Trees 

A familiar song, I started signing it to myself, then the tears began to fall.  Just a few. An armload full of wood and a few steps later I had to drop the wood on top of the pile and started to sob.  

I checked my watch, 2:50 PM, January 18, 2014.  Nine months ago (to the exact moment) I sat in the darkened room of the doctor's office looking at x-ray films.  Studying the films, searching for something that looked amiss, a clue, a sign, something to make sense of the situation.  While our whole family waited for the doctor we sat in silence, afraid to speak, afraid to move. Just breathe. 

The doctor came in and explained the films. He began by pointing to a tiny speck on one of the two films, then another. In a few moments the picture became clearer.  I had been studying the films for something unusual, out of place, but the reason I saw nothing was because it was everywhere. Everywhere.

Photo by: H.M. Wild
Sitting there, trying to hold my own, biting my lower lip, quivering in my very soul I looked at the doctor and knew what it all meant. My baby, my sister, my best friend -- her strong and beautiful body was ravaged with cancer.  She was in pain and at risk of terrifyingly painful complications that would make her last moments with me excruciating.  
Photo by: H.M. Wild
Parke said “it’s time” and I instantly held my hand up and cut him off. Whatever piece of advice, words of comfort, or reassurance he was trying to offer was not welcome, because hearing the words before I could wrap my mind around them made it real, made it here and now and if there was any place I did not want to be, it was in that moment, that place.

Photo by: H.M. Wild
Back at the firewood pile I attempted to regain composure as the song rang in my ears, feeling the words and the feeling of my heart splitting into pieces. Parke noticed something was wrong and he shut off the log splitter. We watched the long slow sunset and listened to music on my iPod, tears fell at random from my eyes and tried to calm my soul with the one thing that has always soothed me: fur-legged friends.  Honey in my lap and Petzl at my side, we watched the sun go down and I thought of all the sunsets I watched with my dog, "Sneeker".  

Photo by: H.M. Wild
The truth is I haven’t been the same since Unique died. I accepted that yesterday when the grief hit me like a freight train, out of the blue, sucker punching me and making me feel weak all over -- in pieces.  Unique was more than a dog, and her death was about more than losing my dog.  When she died I lost part of myself. A big part of myself. Basically my entire adult life was built up with Unique by my side.  A difficult break-up, the ups and downs of dating, keeping my heart from being broken again, working on my degree, building up my career, getting married, having children, moving, moving, moving. Unique was there. We grew up together and became these wild seeking souls, undeterred by the clear obstacles that lie in our path.  If there were ever a dog that could live to be 100, I really believed Unique had what it took to be that dog.  When she died just shy of eleven it seemed impossibly hard to comprehend.  

A few hours later I hauled firewood in for the night and decided to make an outside fire. I rummaged through the wood shed and found scraps and bits of wood to get me started. Once it got going I hauled down our Christmas tree and limbed it with my axe, shaking the snow off the boughs (it had been on our porch for a couple weeks), then piling them up next to the heat of the fire.  I sat quietly and watched the final reaches of daylight fall below the horizon as the night sky began to reveal its quiet unassuming magic to my salty eyes.  Alone.  Content. Okay.  Breathing. 

October 2013 Post: Unique 


Photo by: H.M. Wild

Hootie & The Blowfish – Not Even The Trees (selected lyrics)

Alone as I sit and watch the trees
Won't you tell me if I scream will they bend down and listen to me?
And it makes me wonder, if I'll know the words when you come
Or will you laugh at me
Or will I run

And it makes me wonder
If the stars shine when my eyes close
Or does my brothers heart cry
I don't know

And I know I'll never see you again
Lying down in Charleston under the Carolina sky

And it makes me wonder
When I see you in my dreams
Does it mean anything
Are you trying to talk to me?

I see you in my dreams
And I wonder if you're looking down at me
And smiling right now
I wanna know if it's true

When he looks at me
Won't you tell me
Does he realize he came down here
And he took you too soon

And now my days are short an my nights are long
I lay down with memories of you that keep me going on, going on
And it makes me wonder as I sit and stare
Will I see your face again?
Photo by: H.M. Wild
 Unique Roo
July 23, 2002 - April 18, 2013