Friday, September 27, 2013

Wild Dreams: Once in a Lifetime

On May 27, 2013, I returned home from a weekend spent at The Shack.  Feeling reflective I sat down and scrawled out a few notes, a message to my future-self.  
My present self.  A message for today.

This morning I came across the notes by accident, looking for something else, and sat down to write about the the past and the present.  The here and now.  

This amalgamation of thought and feeling was born out of questions and wondering.  Thinking.  I wrote these initial questions exactly twelve days before we found ourselves in the driveway of The Moose Lodge, for the very first time.  

June 8, 2013 

A few mindful questions, reflection and wondering led us home.

Success is something that is largely based on interpretation.  

Is success the ability to purchase the perfect place to call home? The dream kitchen.  

We kept going back to the start. Our dream. The plan. Our goals. Our roots.  

You only get one lifetime.  One go round on this merry go round, sometimes we get so busy doing, we forget to enjoy - everything.  Every moment is a reason to celebrate.  
You're alive.  Breathing.  Here. Right now.  

Being an endurance athlete, I generally subscribe to the idea that "your body is a temple", but I recently came across this quote from culinary cowboy, Anthony Bourdain "Your body is not a temple, it is an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.".  Enjoy the ride, my friends.  

Live life on your own terms.  Have fun. Be happy. Be a good person.  Do good things. Be thankful.  Be kinder than is necessary.  Be patient with others, especially yourself.  Breathe.

Get out in nature. It grounds you. It centers you.  It makes you realize who you are.  

Being outside, a feeling comes over start to feel small, and insignificant.  In every day life, if you go around feeling small and insignificant, you can start to 
feel kind of crappy.  

When you are outside with the bees and trees, feeling small  and 
insignificant is the first step to deep appreciation and respect 
for the world that surrounds us.   

We are but specks in this grand place. 

Looking up at the sky, feeling small - it doesn't take much to be awestruck, filled with the wonderment that is nature.    

Our experiences - the first breath, life, and death, and all the moments that rest in between are so small, fleeting - like sand squeezed tightly in the palm of your hand.  The tighter you hold on, the faster it runs between your fingers.  The trick is to let go, open your hand and rest your mind, focus your heart on the here and now.  When you start to focus on the moment, every day life takes on a whole new meaning and can transform simple things into glorious unexpected experiences.  You have to be ready to receive those moments. 

Feeling small and insignificant can be the first step to being big and brave.  

On May 27, 2013 I sat in our gorgeous, oversized, posh suburban dwelling, asking myself questions I never though I would ask myself, once I arrived in this place we called 
The Labrador House.   

One gray and rain mixed with snow kind of afternoon last March, I sat at the intersection of Tudor and Minnesota, with my hair sopping wet, shivering under the blast of hot air and the dampness lingering on  my skin after an Saturday afternoon lap swim, a long slow steady swim, I swam well over a (swimmers mile).  I sat at the light waiting in the turn lane to get on to Minnesota this song came on and it summed up my life and I thought to myself:  

"You may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile.

You may ask yourself, what is that beautiful house? 

The Labrador House.

You may ask yourself, where does that highway lead to? 

North, to The Moose Lodge. 

You may ask yourself, am I right, am I wrong? 

Is it crazy that I don't see myself in my life, living in cul-de-sac-ville, mini-mcmansions on perfectly manicured postage stamp lots with a strange quiet silence lingering in the air, with the soundtrack of cargo jets taking off and landing at all hours of the day and, particularly the night.  One after the next. 

Laying awake in bed at night asking ourselves: 

(You may say to yourself,) my god, what have I done? 

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again, after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground.

Same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was, 
same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was, 
same as it ever was, same as it ever was…"

 - Talking Heads, Once in a Lifetime 

How did we go this astray from our dream? Our path?  Where did we go wrong?

It wasn't until I decided to stop chasing the ever-illusive American Dream,
 that I reclaimed my own wild dreams.  

There are no answers. No real ones anyway. And success is fleeting.  Live for the moments, the little ones - your coffee in the morning....

 and sunsets in the evening....

And toasted marshmallows over a campfire...

and running through the forest - wild and free, or 
kicking your feet up and enjoying the moment.  

This moment. The here. The now. 

Life is too short to go around feeling like a part of yourself is missing. 
Disconnected.  Displaced.  Lost.  

You have to chart your own course.  

Point yourself in the direction of your dreams and run....wild.  

Friday, August 16, 2013 - Maya at a roadside pull-out on the drive home.  Our first drive home.  The day we moved to The Moose Lodge.

You never know what might be waiting for you on the other side of fear and doubt.  

Wild dreams do come true.