Rapid heart beat, sweaty palms - the thud of heavy feet hitting the treadmill; step after step moving forward while standing still. The perfect description for “how I am doing” in any given moment. Treading water: working hard to stay afloat.
The depression I have been in has left me out of words and out of energy to do most anything that would normally bring me joy. As a result I haven’t been very active. My return to running by way of hiking, walking and shuffling has left me feeling rusty. Like the Tin Man in The Wizard of Oz, muttering “oil can” from rusted lips. Oil can. This process of recovery is teaching me several profound lessons, the lessons are the oil, the juice I so desperately crave.
"A determined soul will do more with a rusty monkey wrench than a loafer will accomplish with all the tools in a machine shop." - Robert Hughes