At the urging of two of my advisors I went to work with the earth, grounding myself in the dirt to the sounds of Motzart playing on my iPod as I cleared the dead raspberry canes with my new pair of garden clippers. Plucking out the dead matter from the garden is the perfect metaphor for what I am doing with the processes, functions, and thought patterns that no longer serve me. Piling up the dead matter and disposing of it permanently, leaving behind only fresh, new growth ripe with possibility -- with enough care these canes will bear fruit.
“Sometimes a breakdown can be the beginning of a kind of breakthrough. A way of living in advance through a trauma that prepares you for a future of radical transformation.” - Cherrie Moraga
l breakdown breakthrough is a second chance to rework my life and take time to do things in a slow, patient, and careful manner. Thoughts come slower these days and my actions are broken into baby steps; each task broken into micro steps. I take time to stop and admire new growth, to water the raspberries and appreciate the warm rays of the sun shining down on Mt. Sanford and the Copper River basin.
“The person who can combine frames of reference and draw connections between ostensibly unrelated points of view is likely to be the one who makes the creative breakthrough.” - Denise Shekerijan
Marathon training prepared my mind to endure, rise above, and most importantly to carry on. These three lessons have carried me through the past few months as my life unraveled and I spiraled into a manic-psychosis where I stepped into a childhood literature inspired world of my own creation.
“We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world”
― Helen Keller
As I drift back into my life, in to my body, I endure, rise above, and carry on with each breath, each step, each moment. I am relearning how to live life and it’s harder than I can explain, but the support of my husband, children, parents and friends have made the impossible possible and every day is truly better than yesterday.
"We are stardust, we are golden and we've got to get ourselves back to the garden."
— Joni Mitchell